Ten woke me up the other night and told me that one of our friends in Tokyo had died. Died. Is Dead. It was midnight, and I thought he was totally just messing with me in a really, really disturbed way…but he wasn’t. Our friend died. I’m still trying to grasp what that really means.

I literally felt like my chest was being torn to pieces. I could feel my heartbreaking. I lay in bed all night long just feeling sad. There is no other way to put it. I don’t have the words to express the feelings and thoughts that were running through my mind. He is gone. We didn’t even know, and he was young. So extremely young.

This person was so kind. I mean he was among one of the kindest and smiliest and sweetest people whom I have ever known. He was healthy. He was a personal trainer and in competitive sports. He was full of energy.

I will miss this person with my entire soul. He was one of my first friends in Japan. I saw him almost every single day, and he just made life brighter. I’d like to think that I made his a little brighter too.

I will never forget the laughs that we had. For example, when I found out he was an underwear model. I went to his blog and downloaded a pic of him in nothing but his briefs and saved it as the background on my phone. I just casually opened my phone to show him something and there was his naked self staring back at him. He was so embarrassed.

I remember when he died his hair a horrible platinum blonde…and he asked my opinion…and I told the truth…and I felt like a jerk.

I’ll never forget the time that he had me translate an article from French to English that was written about him. It was written years before. Ten then translated it from English to Japanese. We all laughed at the parts that weren’t true and the parts that embarrassingly were.

I was really thankful for the time we all went out to eat and he sincerely told me how great it was about all of the weight that I had lost. Thank you.

He was a good person. I mean a really good person. He was far too young to die. I am so appreciative that we were able to have him in our life. He really did help me feel at home at Gold’s Gym Harajuku. He was also such a good, good friend to Ten. When I say good, I mean it in every sense of the word. He was good.

I still find myself looking back at his blog and seeing him smiling there. As Ten said, “what does that mean, to be dead?” It is such a simple question. It is such a huge question…but I am confident that our friend is smiling at us and still with us. It wasn’t the end for him.


2 thoughts on “

  1. I’m truly sorry to hear this. I understand the pain that comes with this kind of loss, and I know this probably doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger, but I hope the hurt fades soon and you can remember him with a smile. You’re right, it wasn’t the end for him. Keep his memory alive and he will always be there.

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